Yep, I’m in the closet and not sure when I will come out. As it turns out my closet has the best WIFI and most privacy so it is the perfect place to set up for online therapy to my clients. I thought I would share a few things that I have learned and noticed this week.
1. People are adaptable. I was very surprised at how easily all of my clients transitioned to the video platform. Adaption is not easy so go easy on yourselves as you transition to a new normal.
2. A good chair is essential – 6 hours in a dining room chair is just not a good idea! Please do what you need to make yourself as comfortable as possible in this uncomfortable situation. If it is in your control then change it, if it is not then practice acceptance (which may include feeling frustrated and angry at times.)
3. There are lots of critics out there. We must make decisions based on our own value system and needs. I found myself judging others based on their decisions but then was able to take perspective and recognize that their reasoning was not without rationale and was simply different than mine. I also noticed that it took me some time to stop listening to others and listen to my own intuition. Perfection is an unattainable goal.
4. We all have varying capacity for risk. This is important to remember and to honor your own capacity for risk. There are many factors that contribute in this situation, health, age, responsibility, and financial. It may be frustrating that others do not join with you in your anxiety. This can come out as anger or judgment. A healthy response is to remember self-compassion and give yourself the permission to do what is best for you and your family without worrying about what others think or do.
5. Everyone is fearful in a way, some are concerned, some are worried, some scared, some panicking and some are in denial. This is NORMAL don’t try to ignore it, honor it by choosing to do a relaxation exercise (breathe!), distract yourself, and take care of your health – eat well, rest more and get some fresh air when possible. Remember that being brave and courageous requires fear – without fear, it is simply recklessness.
6. We need each other more than we would like to believe. This experience highlights the importance of all in our world. It is a good time to notice how many different people contribute to our daily lives. From the most respected researcher to the garbage man who keeps showing up to take away our garbage and keep our streets clean.
7. It is okay to need and receive support. Not only is it okay, it is crucial. All the superheroes had sidekicks and support staff – Batman had Robin and Alfred. When you are done taking care of yourself, let someone or something take care of you. If you don’t have a “person” then be that person for yourself – monitor your self-talk for “should” and “not enough” thinking and practice gratitude and recognize everything you did do, instead of what you didn’t do. If someone does something for you say “thank you” and if someone says “thank you” say “your welcome.” Take credit for what you are doing and don’t shrug off appreciation.
8. Return to facts. I find myself worrying a lot about getting sick myself or infecting someone else. The fact is we all may get this virus. The point of what we are doing right now is to slow down the infection rate so that we will have the care we need available if we do get sick and to allow time for a treatments and vaccines to be developed. If we get the virus or transmit it accidentally it will be because it is a new virus that no one has immunity to. It will not be because we are bad people. Of course this does not give us dispensation to be reckless, but let’s worry about doing our best and not strive for the unattainable perfection. Wash your hands, stay inside as much as possible, stay away from vulnerable populations and help in whatever way you can. Ways to help: call your parents and lonely friends, entertain your kids, buy groceries for your elderly or high risk neighbor and do your job, if you can, from home.
I leave you with these thoughts from Brené Brown:
“This pandemic experience is a massive experiment in collective vulnerability. We can be our worst selves when we’re afraid, or our very best, bravest selves. In the context of fear and vulnerability, there is often very little in between because when we are uncertain and afraid our default is self-protection. We don't have to be scary when we're scared. Let’s choose awkward, brave, and kind. And let’s choose each other.”