This week we have been inundated with news, changes and even silence as our busy lives have been slowed down and we are asked to stay in and many of your regular activities have been cancelled. If there is anyone out there who wants to tell me you are not experiencing some kind of anxiety right now, I have a sweet “bless your heart” smile for you and your denial. (Denial is a maladaptive coping skill, by the way.) But if instead, you are like me (and many others), your brain is busy filling the void with all sorts of “what ifs” and “I should” ‘s. And the minute your brain stops for a second you get a call from your elderly parent or a text canceling yet another event. We are worried about not only our health but also the economy, food, childcare, resource supplies and travel plans.
The first thing I’d like to remind you of is that anxiety is a NORMAL emotion and all of us experience it from time to time. Just like any other emotion it can get out of whack at times and that is when we must use coping skills to keep it in the normal range. Many people go through life feeling like they are alone in their anxiety and that “other people don’t feel this way.” The truth is we all feel anxiety and sometimes it is a good thing that keeps us safe and reminds us to pay our bills and go to work each morning. I live in a city that just experienced a devastating tornado and has 18 confirmed COVID-19 cases. The stores are all out of toilet paper and cleaning supplies as well as frozen vegetable and canned soup. Anxiety is running high here and makes sense, but it is not comfortable!
Since noticing my racing mind I have been reminded of all the skills that I personally use to manage anxiety in stressful times. I was also reminded that there is no way to get your life “perfect” and avoid stress. As much as I would like to believe that I can manufacture my life to avoid anxiety, I know I cannot. And once again, I am reminded that I can only control me and I can’t control the weather, a virus or other people, just me. What I can do is notice my emotions (avoiding denial), honor them (Hello anxiety, thanks for reminding me to be careful.), and let them pass (they always do.) I can also spend time enjoying the breaks between and recovering and restoring my emotional energy.
There are many healthy ways to deal with anxiety. Unfortunately, there are also many unhealthy ones (maladaptive coping skills.) Why are they “maladaptive?” Because they don’t work in the long run. Things like substance use (the drink to “take the edge off.”), denial, panic, isolation, avoidance, obsessing, eating, binge watching TV, sleeping….. are maladaptive mostly because they create new problems like addiction, numbing, depression, compulsions and irritability. Healthy coping skills allow us understand our emotions, evaluate their congruency (do they really fit the situation?) and recover.
One of the best coping skills I have been using this week is “taking a break.” During stressful times anxiety is normal and is going to happen. But it doesn’t have to be the only emotion I experience at this time. I can also notice gratitude, hope, peace, compassion and even frustration and confusion. Taking the break from the anxiety to appreciate my friend Ashley who is offering free breathwork podcasts and let her soothing voice bring me (and my body) to a place of calm has helped me take a break from worry. Taking time to notice hope as a I plan a trip for next Fall. Taking the time to practice yoga and notice the peace moving my body brings to me. Sharing compassion with a friend who is struggling and self-compassion for myself as I make mistakes (Oops I fed the dog twice.) Noticing the frustration that the news is causing and turning it off. Letting go of the confusion I feel about how to proceed without judging it. Enjoying a good movie, game of cards or time to write a new blog piece. Simply moving forward despite my fears. One day/moment at a time.
Mindfulness teacher and Vipassanã leader, Jack Kornfield PhD, offers this trick which I often use myself. When noticing anxiety in your mind say “hello anxiety, old friend, thanks for coming. I know you are here to keep me safe. Let me see if I need you today? Well, I believe I have done all I can to be safe, so thanks for coming but you can be on your way now. I appreciate you helping me out and will see you later.” This is a form of self-compassion that helps you recognize that you do have some control over your thoughts and the way you look at your emotions. Instead of saying “get away” or trying to ignore our old friend we have a chat and come to an agreement.
So over the next few weeks, remember: Anxiety is normal, it will not stay forever, you are allowed some moments of peace, and in fact the peace will help you make good decisions around safety and healing. Taking those moments of peace will also be good for your physical body and your health. Too much stress can overload our immune system. When your thoughts are anxious use the script above to honor, accept and move on to something that feeds your soul. We must treat ourselves extra well during stressful times. We cannot know anxiety without also knowing peace – during stressful times we can actively seek peace and find balance. And please, wash your hands!
Please share your own tricks for managing the anxiety during these stressful times.