I See Color

I think most of us by now are aware that saying "I don't see color" is not okay. However, I am interested to see how readers respond to the title of this post. Is it okay to admit that you see color? How will that be received. I am a little afraid to put this out there to the world but keep reading and PLEASE leave comments - it is through discussion that we will learn to understand and love each other. 

I SEE COLOR. In color I see beauty and pain, pride and fear, faith and loneliness, power and oppression, gluttony and hunger, humor and sadness, hope and fear, courage and weakness and weakness and courage. I see and feel fear, confusion and hesitation in my own response to racism and other oppression. I am overwhelmed by the complexity of the problems we face in a world where we are more and more thrust together and needing to acknowledge and respect our differences. I see hope in the history of progress, but feel sadness that we did not learn the lessons of the past. I feel shame for not doing more and for simply being privileged. This shame paralyzed me and I am working to break out of it. 

I took some time for community this morning with some others who feel many of the feelings I am feeling and were brave enough to share their own sadness, confusion, hope and anger with each other. Out of the community I gathered the energy to put this out into the world. 

I SEE COLOR! I see that the experience of a person of color is different than my own. I see that simple things that I take for granted are harder for many. I see why some are angry enough to break things and destroy a community that has treated them inequitably. I can see how many are frustrated by being told to be patient. I can relate in a small way as a female, but I may never really truly be able to fully understand. I am willing to try. I am willing to be aware and experience this with those who have no choice. I am willing to risk getting it wrong. In fact I have gotten it wrong, and there are some very brave people who have challenged me to do better. Some of the challengers were children who begged me to see them by lashing out at me. Some were clients who trusted me to listen and learn. Others are inspirational men and women who risk their lives for change. 

I SEE COLOR! And at times it scares me. I see how easy it is to feel threatened by persons of "another color" and how hard it is to accept that we have biases. I see many floundering in feelings of frustration and being held accountable for solving a problem that they feel they did not create. I see struggle to give up safety to promote the safety of others. In fact, I must admit, that I struggle with feeling safe in all of this. But isn't that the point? That I can choose and others can't? I can choose to watch from my safe home with the doors locked instead of being in the middle of the chaos screaming for justice. I can choose rather or not I post these thoughts and risk the backlash for getting it wrong - or right. I used to think I could choose to do nothing and my life wouldn’t change - riots tell me differently.

I SEE COLOR! And I think it is very important to recognize that one's skin color, sexual orientation, gender, and many other things affect our perspective. That means we all have different perspectives. Perspective taking is key to being able to offer empathy, acceptance and forgiveness. If we ignore color then we cannot engage in common humanity which pushes us into victim thinking and defense mode. Without common humanity we also lose our own self compassion. Compassion for others leads to compassion for self. Compassion for anger as well as pain.

My daughter told me that someone asked her why she was so passionate about the most recent murder of a black man by the hands of the police. She told me that she said "Whether you agree with the protesters or activists or not, they're still humans and we can collectively realize they're fighting to be treated as such. It is not about black or white, republican or democrat it is about being on team HUMAN." I have faith that she is not alone and there is evidence in all of the energy swirling around the country this week after the murder of George Floyd. I do not know all the answers to this very complex problem that has been made worse by many well meaning people of the white color for centuries. What I do know is that I can't do anything about it if I don't see color. WE MUST SEE COLOR to see the humans who are suffering. We must recognize that our perception of their skin color has affected their lives and we cannot dismiss that experience. We must recognize that the color of our skin has given us privilege AND responsibility.

I will leave you with this quote that a friend shared recently from Desmond Tutu that has helped me deal with my feelings of inadequacy over the past few months. "Too frequently we think we have to do spectacular things. Yet if we remember that the sea is actually made up of drops of water and each drop counts, each one of us can do our little bit where we are. Those little bits can come together and almost overwhelm the world. Each one of us can be an oasis of Peace." This is my drop of water.....what is yours?