.........Letting Go of Comparison
So many things to do, so little value given to art by society, so much time spent striving to be like everyone else. All keep us from embracing the very creativity which helps us process emotions, express ourselves and grow into our potential.
My grandmother played the organ at church and practiced daily. She shared her joy of music with all of us and encouraged us to play with her instrument and explore. She owned a fabric store where I would spend hours picking out fabric, patterns and sewing Barbie clothes or little vests for my stuffed animals. When she retired she spent time in ceramics classes, tried macramé and made quilts for each of her granddaughters. She smiled often, despite what was sometimes a tough life. Thinking of her makes me feel light and loved. She is my example of how to live a wholehearted life.
Yet a big trap for me in fully embracing my own creativity is the need to “fit in.” Instead of pursuing my own goals and dreams, I sometimes focus more on what others are doing and join in to please. When I do this I find it less than satisfying because it keeps me from expressing my true self. It also keeps me from being around those who truly see, know and love me (because I am not showing the real me, but the one I think people want to see.) On the surface I look like a country club going, skinny WASP with not a care in the world. On the inside I am a confusion of free spirited, WASP, liberal, emotional, victim/savior, Christian/Buddhist, deeply caring, music and dance loving magical fairy who dreams of changing the world. Yes I am magical, my friends....
Brené learned in her research that “Letting go of comparison is not a to-do list item. For most of us it’s something that requires constant awareness. It’s so easy to take our eyes off our path to check out what others are doing and if they’re ahead or behind us. Creativity, which is the expression of our originality, helps us stay mindful that what we bring to the world is completely original and cannot be compared. And without comparison, concepts like ahead or behind or best or worst lose their meaning.” (The Gifts of Imperfection, 2010)
For many of us some of our safest and fondest memories are of childhood playtime, creating forts, making up new games (or new rules to old games), playing dress up, sharing our creations with others. As we grow older we start to get feedback that stops our creativity.
In doing this work an old memory of creativity surfaced from when I was a 4 year old. I spent all morning planning a birthday party for my cat, Julie. I had a few can’s of cat food opened on the back patio and was dressed in a flower girl dress from my uncle’s wedding. Julie was there and as I sat waiting on the other cats and dancing happily in my pretty dress one of my parents asked what I was doing. “I’m having a birthday party for Julie!” I happily replied. The response felt like a kick in the gut, “That’s silly, cats won’t come to a party, please clean this up when you are done.” OUCH, that hurt. I heard “you are stupid, that is a stupid idea, and clean up.” When what I wanted was “How fun! Julie will really appreciate this, you look pretty.” See how easy it is to kill creativity? Poor Julie never had another birthday party in all her 17 years.
Creativity is everywhere. It is creating a birthday party for your cat, solving a complex problem, writing, dancing, singing, cooking and painting. It is not good or bad, right or wrong, better or worse or valuable or worthless. It is an expression of you that if left trapped inside will prevent your heart from opening and sharing your true self with the world.
My grandmother was an open book, she loved, laughed and shared what she had with an open heart that still warms me to this day. I am grateful she had creativity in her life and was able to resist comparison. And I am grateful that the sound of an organ, smell of Pond’s face cream and a good chocolate pie will always remind me of her love.