Transitions are a part of life. Some come with much fanfare and celebration and others with sadness and grief. I find that we are often caught off guard by the impact of the happier transitions and at a loss as to how to process the sadder times. Mindful living can help with transitions. Being aware of the variety of emotions and acknowledging them will help you move through transitions with grace.
During the recent graduation season I once again was reminded of this as I experienced my own son’s graduation from college and observed others families who had college/high school graduates. So much energy put into the preparations for graduation and the big day. Everyone was smiles and hugs and “congratulations.”
Then one day later there was the rush to move out of the apartment amid the exhaustion. Home we came and boom…job hunting and the adjustment to living together (again) as adults. (Just a side note that the expectation is that the living together as adults part is very, very brief…do you hear that son?) To go from the elation and celebration to the anxiety of finding a job overnight is a pretty good smack of reality.
For those with high school graduates this can be the toughest summer. After all they are still on your dole, they are not legal to drink, but they are technically adults and they think they are ready to launch. You are the stupidest, meanest parents on earth expecting them to do chores and come home by curfew. All this comes right after a stressful year of college applications, acceptances and multiple celebrations for graduation and prom. (All of which you likely paid for and will be paying for!) Wait for it….“I’m 18 years old, I can do what I want. I deserve some downtime after how hard I worked to get into Yale!” (Hmmm…when did we get downtime after paying the bills?)
As for sadder transitions, they too can be experienced similarly. A tragedy occurs, people rally to your side for days, possibly weeks and then…life is supposed to go back to normal. NOT. The loss is still there with you everyday and it is so hard to reach out and ask for support. One feels like they have already taxed people’s generosity too much and get the message that they need to “stay strong.” Why can’t staying strong can be knowing when you need help and being able to ask for it?
How does mindfulness play into this? Living mindfully means living with awareness. In doing so you are aware of your feelings and aware that they won’t last forever (good and bad) and you can enjoy or process them while you are experiencing them fully. When we do this feelings pass through us and we aren’t scrambling to attend to them and extinguish them. We are also aware that thoughts are just thoughts and they don’t always have to be responded to.
For example when at the graduation ceremony you can complain about the heat or focus on the feeling of pride that is coursing through your body as you or a loved one walks across the stage. If your child comes home after curfew and your thought is “After all I did for him…” remember that his motivations have nothing to do with his love or appreciation for you and be thankful that his/her behavior is making it less likely that you will miss them when you to drop them off at the dorm in September!
After a funeral you can ignore the thought “I can’t go on without him” and sit with the pain and observe how it ebbs and flows. When your thought is “I have to be strong” be honest, if you don’t feel strong at the moment ask for support. When someone moves away be aware that the relationship may change and that is part of life and not a rejection. (Really kids, mom and dad will survive your move to your own apartment, I promise!)
As always I must remind you that mindful living requires some kind of mindful practice. What is your mindful practice and have you noticed how life is different when you are attending to your practice?